Hermione G and the Sticky Notes Of Doom
by Imaginary Albatross
Summary: Magical Sticky Notes appear in Hogwarts spreading silliness and mayhem. AU. One-shot. HGSS


English is not my native language. Brain is not my best organ. But I just love writing. I apologise for inflicting this torture on you, fellow HGSS shippers.

* * *

Some said it was one of the Weasley twins' inventions, left at school, forgotten for years, and now discovered by a curious student. But the amount of the dark magic in it was too high. Some thought it was made by Voldemort himself because of the power of the spell. But the stupidity of the invention seemed to contradict this claims. No one ever figured out who made them and how they end up in Hogwarts. The Sticky Yellow Notes of Doom.

All you had to do was to write a dare on a small, yellow sticky note and stick it to somebody's back. Or hand. Most unfortunate were walking with a note stuck to their noses or mouths, or even other, more embarrassing places. The only way to make a note disappear, was to do exactly what a dare was saying. The only way to make it change its location was if someone willingly took the note from the victim, attaching the said note to himself. There was no method of removing a note, after changing clothes it just appeared on the same spot. After a week, Hogwarts descended into chaos. A number of detentions tripled, and the hourglasses were threatening to become empty. A small wooden box, a source of the notes, has been soon confiscated by teachers, but the notes were already all around Hogwarts, stuck to nearly everyone. When all the spells proved to be ineffective against the yellow pieces of paper, Dumbledore summoned all the school to the Great Hall to deal with situation.

* * *

Harry and Hermione were standing in the middle of the crowded Great Hall, throwing insults at each other.

"You are the most annoying person on earth," Harry read from a note. His presence among volunteers helping to deal with the situation was not surprising. Because of his fame, some dares referred to him.

"'Buy yourself a cob.' I think he meant a comb. 'I challenge thee to a duel'", Hermione read with a yawn and they watched as another yellow note disappeared silently into nothing. She was still living in Hogwarts, doing potions apprenticeship with professor Snape.

The headmaster called all the staff and a large amount of volunteers to help with the Yellow Crisis. They were taking cursed notes from students and trying to make disappear as much as they could. Which usually required insulting someone or doing something mildly embarrassing. There were of course some really dangerous, cruel or immoral dares, which could not be done. When all the possible and safe dares would be done, they were going to take some volunteers, who would take the most inconvinient notes. Volunteers were going to stay in st Mungo for a week, where the notes would be removed along with a part of the skin.

Ginny joined Hermione in a moment.

"'How many pigeon nests do you have inside your hair?' Pfff, more than brain cells inside _your_ head," she huffed looking at a disappearing piece of paper with disgust. She took a look at another one, "'Hermione, would you like to marry me?'"

"I believe it's illegal, since you already have a spouse," answered Hermione.

Ginny giggled, and kissed Harry on the cheek.

"I have something for you too, dear," she searched her arms, " ... hmm... ah, here it is! 'You are arrogant, stupid brat.' 'You are terribly handsome.' Well, this one would be nice, if it wasn't glued to some hapless Slytherin boy. Aaand here we go again. Marry me, marry me, marry me, marry me."

Four notes vanished, leaving her left arm paper-clear.

"Already done," smiled Harry.

"Harry! Hermione! I've been looking for you two." Ron waved his hand with a flurry of little paper pieces. "I just finished with professor Trelawney. It was a disaster. I picked really mild ones and she still ended crying," he grimaced.

Professor Trelawney was sitting on a chair with a glass of brandy, shaking from uncontrolled sobs. Professor McGonagall patted her arm.

"Really, Sybilla, you should not take this foolishness so serious," she said rolling her eyes.

Ron sighed heavily. "Would you like to exchange some nastiness?"

They stood for a while insulting each other, proposing marriages, kissing cheeks, and punching each other occasionally. That is, doing exactly what the rest of the students of old, noble school of Hogwarts was doing all the day.

"I'm nearly done," said Hermione. "Here, Ginny, take this ones, they are 'kissharrys'."

"Go, check on the hopeless ones," said Ron. "Some of them could be freed quickly, but they are too embarrassed. I spent nearly fifteen minutes convincing those who got 'hex Dumbledore' to go to him. Men, just look at him!" He pointed the headmaster, who still didn't remove three pairs of horns from his head. "He is enjoying this too much."

Albus Dumbledore stood in front of a large mirror, his yellow robes covered in yellow sticking notes, making him look like a giant, paper chicken.

"You are truly a delusional old goat! A headless schizophrenic parrot would be a better headmaster!" shouted Dumbledore laughing heartily.

Hermione suspected he was the one having the most fun in the castle.

She headed towards a group of students, mostly first years standing in the corner of the Great Hall. They showed her their notes rather reluctantly. Most of it was really hopeless. A few were obscene, and some really dangerous. 'Pee on a hippogriff'?

"Whoever had written this, and we _will_ soon know who, will be spending the rest of the year cleaning toilets with Mr Filch," she sneered.

"Wow, you really sometimes sound like Snape," smiled Neville joining the group. "You spend too much time with him, it's becoming scary." He started reading the notes. "'Hug the whomping willow'? Oh, give me this, it can be done."

Among hopeless cases she discovered huge amount about professor Snape. She sighed and extended her hand, "give me 'insultsnapes'. All of them. And these too. Really, did you think he will kill you for proposing to him?"

Nearly one-fourth of students left the 'hopeless cases' group looking at her with gratitude mixed with horror. Hermione headed towards Snape, feeling less brave with every step. When she was just a few steps away from the man, she noticed people staring at her. Was it a mistake? Should she send someone to Saint Mungo for a week, instead of throwing just a few nasty words at _him_? Severus Snape was glaring at her, dark wizard standing in a dark corner, keeping distance from the mayhem.

"Sir, if you let me..." she stumbled on words, but tried to not avoid his eyes.

He raised an eyebrow.

"What, Granger?" he hissed.

Hermione bite her lip. It was better to be done quick. If he was going to kill her, she prefered not to be buried covered with sticking notes.

"'You are unjust and unfair.' 'Your classes suck.' 'Your mum didn't teach you to wash your hair.'"

She stopped to take breath, looking at his face.

"Go on, Granger," he sneered.

"'I hope you poison yourself someday.'"

"Not very likely."

"'You are ugly bastard'."

"That's just stating the obvious."

Hermione's lips twitched at that. He still glared at her but somehow she knew, she will live to learn how to brew Wolfsbane.

"'Marry me'. 'Marry me.' 'Marry me.'"

"If you insist."

Now she openly smiled at him, oblivious to the shocked stares it caused.

"Sir, If I may..."

She stood on her toes and placed a light kiss on his cheek. The note author hadn't specified where exactly she was supposed to kiss him.

Snape stood motionless, his face showing no emotion.

"Is it all, Granger?" he finally asked. His tone was bored but his eyes were shining strangely.

Hermione looked at her hands, now free of the notes with one exception. She blushed and quickly hidden the note from his sight. Standing among little, scared first years, she thought it was worth saving someone from a trip to Saint Mungo. But now... with half of the school watching them...

"I believe it is, sir. Thank you for not killing me."

"Oh, I see. Well, who had guessed the famous Gryffindor courage was _that_ limited?" Snape drawled.

Hermione's eyes grew wide at that statement. Had he seen? He had to, since he was talking to her like that, but... She felt her anger rising as his mouth curved in a mocking expression. Oh, he thinks she would not dare!

She closed a distance between them again and furiously attacked his mouth with hers. His strangled noise of surprise was all she could hear, since all the noise in the Great Hall seemed to perish. Few seconds passed, a tiny eternity, when the only coherent thought her brain managed to convey was 'there are worse reasons to die'. And then, his mouth started moving against hers. They were clumsy, harsh moves, and she felt his ridiculous nose brushing against her cheek. The last note was leaving her hand, disappearing slowly. A stupid note, cruel in its intent, saying 'Give Severus Snape a passionate kiss.' The surrounding silence was growing, and they knew the moment will come, they will have to stop and somehow face the outside world. But neither of them was willing to do so, so they kissed, their movements slow but desperate. And they kissed, trying to think only of now, not of the shocked, disgusted, disapproving looks they will receive, not of the things they will have to say. And though they knew, with every minute passed, their situation is only getting worse, they kissed.


End file.
